I don’t give compliments unless they’re deserved. Never have. I’m sure that stems from having music teachers for parents, and their life-long process of only praising me when I had earned it – although when they saw that I was trying there was always encouragement when I missed the mark. If I wasn’t trying, that was a different thing entirely
To ensure a sort of uniformity to my education, my parents had the unique ability to select 90% of my school teachers and they were skilled at finding those who also believed in encouragement when needed and compliments only when deserved.
So, of course, when I went off to apprentice in professional theatre & music, and eventually take my college classes, it only stands to reason that I gravitated towards mentors who would call me on my sh*t and always tell me the truth.
I continue to shy away from anyone who wants to flatter me. I don’t need that. I need
truth in observations.
When, after years of proclaiming that I would never ever follow in my parents’ footsteps, I became a teacher myself I found myself making these same choices with my students. It was fascinating to observe how some students (and parents) would not respond unless they were ebulliently praised at every step (those almost always gravitated away from me) versus those who appreciated my straight- forward approach to communication and education.
I’m delighted to say that many of my former students have remained friends for up to 20-30 years and they still count on me for giving them an honest assessment of their work or a situation.
That is one of the most treasured aspects of my lifetime spent in the arts.
Right at this moment there’s an awful lot going on in my artistic world: I’ve retired from being a professional theatrical music director and “formally” teaching (with just a few online students – interestingly enough, 3 of whom were students when in their teens that keep working with me because they know I’ll tell them the truth in the nicest way possible), I’ve moved to Puerto Vallarta, where as a “hobby” during retirement I’m finally pursuing my lifelong dream/fantasy of being a saloon singer & solo concert artist.
I’ve recorded 11 CD’s as a singer/songwriter since 2016, and in an impending trip back to the states I will record all the tracks necessary to complete 3 more CD’s that were in process before our move.
Some days my brain feels overwhelmed with all the music that’s in it just waiting to find its release – and being a creative human, all that comes with the occasional fear or doubt that I’m not going to get it “right” or people will find out I’m not as good as they think I am and my “fraud” status will be discovered.
Not that I’m not confident about my abilities, but where my previous artistic endeavors were in areas I’d worked in for 40+ years, I’m only 8 years into recording and 5 years into
being a solo vocalist, accompanying myself on piano. So, as I said to a fellow performer friend last night, “doubt happens.”
That same friend blessed me this morning with a few lovely words that I believe to be his truth – admiring my body of work as a musician to date and complimenting my vocal skills. Just that little gift of communication was enough to hugely calm my anxiety level for this upcoming studio time and reassure my sense of worth as I continue “salooning” to those who come to listen to me.
My takeaway is: All that I’ve put out over the years in the way of honest encouragement and “compliments when deserved” will come back to me as needed. What you put out into the world IS what you will get back from it.
I encourage truth in feedback, kindness in encouragement and praise when deserved over a steady course of well-intended adulation. In whatever world one is living in.
None of us has the opportunity to improve ourselves if we don’t know what areas need work – but more importantly, the right word or two from the right source can do wonders to keep us moving comfortably forward.
