Once you accept that you are here on this planet and you have an identity separate from other people, there is a natural progression from the joy of being taken care of and nurtured to the development of the ego, in which case, the care and the nurturing you receive starts to feel like control. And, there is a rebellion.
You hear little children say, “No!” “No, I won’t do what you say.” “I won’t do what you want.” “No, I want to do it myself.”
And interestingly, in the development of the ego, the way you feel good about yourself is actually learning to do things for yourself.
Self-esteem, more than anything else, can be injured of course with hurtful behavior and criticism. But, it’s only raised by mastery.
When you can stand up on your own, when you can ride a bicycle without training wheels, when you can manage your finances, when you can make your way through school – all of these things add to your sense of self and make you feel good about yourself, your independence and your creativity.
Unfortunately, the end game isn’t often thought of. While it does feel good to master things, at a certain point you have to ask yourself, “To what end?”
“Now that I have matriculated myself through college, now that I have a job, now that I have money, now that I have bought things, now that I can do it myself, to what end is this headed?”
And, there is this underlying presupposition, “And then, I will be happy” “And then, I will be safe.” “And then, I will have peace.”
It takes a while before you can really tell the truth – that all of your striving does not bring you what you hoped. And, even if you’re masterful at many things, the end result that you really want requires something that can never be achieved through mastery alone or doing it yourself.
At a certain point, people try to master spirituality and they read and they study and they meditate and they fast and they try to do it themselves. And they can only get so far.
Most of the time, humility is so closely associated with humiliation and embarrassment and shame that to be humble, feels like admitting that you’re a loser.
It’s ironic, but it’s just the opposite. The recognition that you can’t do it yourself is the greatest gift you can give yourself. After a lifetime of eschewing asking for help, you’re being advised to ask for more than ever, to let go of everything you think you know and everything you think you need and be open to being taken care of—to use your mastery in a different way.
All it requires is that you want what you’ve always wanted. And, at the same time recognize that you can’t do it yourself – because there is no self that is separate from God.
It’s the admission that all of your efforts can only take you so far and what you really want is beyond the grasp of the ego, and always has been.
Try surrendering to a higher source and get out of the way and allow. Take the word ‘should’ out of your vocabulary. Take some time to figure out what you honestly and truly desire – for you – not for anyone else.
This is your life, you do not live it for anyone else, you can only live your life for yourself. Ask for help and guidance so you can honestly and truly live your desire. That my dear fellow traveler is being spiritual.
Relax into that. There is no shame in it. There’s only peace and love and the welcoming arms of God.
